At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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