so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
