so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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