i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize