Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
