Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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