Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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