I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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