Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
