Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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