Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
