I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The power of my boobs compel you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
