my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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