We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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