As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
