can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He did a backflip because drugs
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
