My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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