6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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