Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
