As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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