just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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