I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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