I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
