just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
