i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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