it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
