I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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