I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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