i'm signing you up for texting rehab
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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