can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
