my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
