When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
