i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
