To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I love you. Go after that dick
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
