The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
