I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Houston, we have a squirter
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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