there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
