I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
