so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Someone signed my nipple.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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