is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
