I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
