Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
