I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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