You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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