please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
