Having a random hookup so left but love u
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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