Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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