I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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