My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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