i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
