was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
