I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize