I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
