Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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