This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
