these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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