I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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