i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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