it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
