Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize