my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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