I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
