also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
