neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize