I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
