in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
