if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
