So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize